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Advice to a Son

by Miguel Reznicek

updated for the last time on 3/11/2006

All that is not given is lost.

(From City of Joy)

Introduction

(Or better: Why am I writing this?)

"Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary."
JOHN KEATING (Robin Williams): DEAD POETS SOCIETY, Touchstone, 1989

I chose to write my thoughts down in order that my son beyond my time may profit from the experiences I have had to date. I will deal with subjects and give advice which is totally pragmatic, though it may be of subjective i.e. "gut" origin. It is important to remember that this is the work of many years, so it doesn’t follow a logical thought process. Use what you can. Some of the material is not mine, and some is stuff Ive learned in school and university. Some of it will no doubt be outdated by the time you read this but at least you will have a message from your dad for when I'm gone. Who knows maybe you can improve it for your children. Perhaps the main reason that I write this though is due to a bit of advice a friend of mine once gave me:

"If there are three things a man should do
during his life, they should be: To have a son,
to plant a tree, and to write a book."

Valerie Carmona

Some of the ideas I plan to impart are going to be real shockers to some readers, but with time they will show great evidence of being quite as I describe them, perhaps so much so that upon reading this and time has gone by, the reader may find himself in some strange situation and smile thinking to himself about these pages. Since it will be valuable, it will also be short, as most good things are. I have advice on various subjects, and they are divided accordingly. I don't expect you to agree with all the contents, but I guarantee that they constitute the sound advice that my 35+ years has given me. Share this text with others if you want to, but please don't edit it. The saying at the top about all that is not given is lost is very true. Try to be compassionate and generous in your life. You will find that lots of the things you give out, come back. Your aim should be just to give stuff away without expecting to get anything back. When you can feel good about doing it and not expect anything you will really have attained a good state. (I am like this.)

"There are some that only employ words for the purpose of disguising their thoughts." Voltaire

(A text I wrote some time ago...) The Problem with Man
Miguel Reznicek
4/8/99

here is a concept that is transcendental: Mans greatest problem is that his mind is incapable of comprehending the complete purpose of his life long enough to make fundamental choices which would result in his best interest. The result is that he goes on with his youth and mid life "bouncing" off situations and merely reacting to the anxieties of his life, never being able to compare his actions with the reference he would have if he had understood the complete purpose of his existence. Probably knowing this vital definition, really being convinced of it, would render most of his day to day actions trivial. One cannot help but think that armed with this knowledge, a mature individual would reduce himself to a contemplative monk, disowning all earthly possessions in search of a life that leads to the service of an ultimate goal. Indeed, in the saying "when the appetite leaves, the wisdom enters" we find that the term appetite corresponds to materialism. When man finally realizes that he has conquered his appetites he is mature and wise, but by then its too late. He is left with a bitter sense of helplessness that he wasted most of his life on trivial pursuits and in addition carries with him the baggage resulting from his life's previous actions.

"Don't forget that I cannot see myself. My role is limited to being the one who looks in the mirror." Jaques Rigaut

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." Rose Kennedy.

I want my children to understand the world, but not just because the world is fascinating and the human mind is curious. I want them to understand it so that they will be positioned to make it a better place. Knowledge is not the same as morality, but we need to understand if we are to avoid past mistakes and move in productive directions. An important part of that understanding is knowing who we are and what we can do... Ultimately, we must synthesize our understandings for ourselves. The performance of understanding that try matters are the ones we carry out as human beings in an imperfect world which we can affect for good or for ill. (Howard Gardner 1999: 180-181)