UCLA Professor

A UCLA Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?" She replied,
"Probably deer hunting with his buddies."

Frog Story - Sent in By David Moss to FAOL

Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day and he done run outa night crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wif a big frog in his mouf. He knowed dat dem big bass fish like dem frogs, so he decided to steal dat froggie. Dat snake, he be a cotton mouf water moccasin, so he had to be real careful or he'd git bit. He snuk up behin' dat snake and grabbed him roun de haid. Dat ole snake din't lak dat one bit. He squirmed and wrap hisself roun' Boudreaux's arm try'n to git hisself free. But Boudreaux, him had a real good grip on his haid, yeh. Well, Boudreaux pried his mouf open and got de frog and puts it in his bait can. Now, Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or he's gonna bite him good, but he had a plan. He reach into de back pocket of his bib over hauls and pulls out a pint a moonshine likker. He pour some drops into de snake's mouf. Well, dat snake's eyeballs roll back in his haid and his body go limp. Wit dat, Boudreaux toss dat snake into de bayou. Den he goes back to fishin'. A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin' tappin' on his barefoot toe. He slowly look down and dare wuz dat water moccasin wif two more frogs.

Freudian Slip

“I’ve been making a lot of Freudian slips lately,” a man tells his pal.
“Like what?” his friend asks.
“Well, last week I asked a train conductor for a picket to Tittsburgh.”
“I did something similar the other day,” says the friend. “My wife and I were having breakfast, and instead of saying, ‘Honey, please pass the butter,’ I said, “You bitch, you’ve ruined my life!” -T Bosch

Hillbilly medical terms....

Benign...............What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria..............Back door to cafeteria.
Barium.................What you do with dead folks.
Cesarean Section.......A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan................Searching for the cat.
Cauterize..........Made eye contact with her.
Colic..............A sheep dog.
Coma...............A punctuation mark.
Dilate.............To live longer than your kids do.
Enema.............Not a friend.
Fester............Quicker than someone else.
Hangnail...........What you hang your coat on.
Impotent...........Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain.............Getting hurt at work.
Morbid..............A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates............Cheaper than day rates.
Node....................I knew it.
Outpatient..............A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear................A fatherhood test.
Post Operative...........A letter carrier.
Recovery Room....Place to do upholstery.
Tumor...............More than one.
Urine...............Opposite of mine.
Varicose............Near by!